One great thing about working at The American School in Mexico City is that you have the advantage of getting both American and Mexican holidays off. So, in honor of Thanksgiving, we got an entire week off from school... so great.
And for this vacation we headed to the beach. We drove south to Zihuatanejo; a beach town in the state of Guerrero. It is a bay surrounded by mountains and it is ridiculously beautiful; yet another reason I am thankful to live in Mexico where we have these opportunities; like vacationing in a gorgeous place with family.
Everything was perfect except for the fact that Isa got sick the very first night we arrived. She woke up around 11:00 in the midst of a coughing fit that continued off and on the entire night with small breaks of about 10 minutes. After she woke up the first time I brought her into bed with me and James and kept her close the whole night.
She only wanted me. Not only did she only want me, but she actually wanted to be on me. She wanted to be as close as possible. I spent the entire night awake holding her in bed, laying her on my chest.
I remember at one point thinking to myself, oh man, I'm not going to sleep tonight.
However, that thought was not followed with sadness or desperation, but with calm.
I had this weird sense of calm fall over me that urged everything inside of me to do whatever I needed to do to take care of and comfort this little being.
It was my job. Not one ounce of me felt like complaining. In fact, I didn't have any thoughts of "me."
It was all about her.
In that moment, I truly felt what it means to be a mom; to be strong, confident, caring, comforting.
It was incredible. It was like I was infused with some kind of power outside of myself.
I know this might all sound a bit extreme, but it's the best way I can describe it.
It was my mom moment.
We're home now and Isa is recovering from a nasty case of laryngitis topped with an ear infection, but she is getting better.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for this moment and for the husband and daughter that provided it.
This is my view everyday as I drive to work. On the Segundo Piso of the
Periferico (basically the beltway of Mexico City), I pass by this
volcano, Popocatepetl, just before the sun rises. Everyday there is smoke
billowing its way out of the top of Popo.
It's amazing and I am lucky.
I also get to sit next to this everyday on my drive to work.
I work in the same place as this amazing man. We get to drink our coffee together, talk, hold hands, sit.
I'm feeling antsy. In fact, James and I both are feeling this way. We're antsy to get into the next phase of life. The thing is, we still have a good year and a half here in Mexico before that next phase of life presents itself.
How do we fully embrace and enjoy our time here in Mexico while we have it?
We're both pretty reasonable people. We're dreamers, but we're also realists. Is that an oxymoron? Oh well...
We know we need to live life to the fullest while we are here in this moment. We know that when we do make our transition back to the states that we will miss Mexico like crazy; that things won't be all rainbows and butterflies.
We know we'll have the challenge of finding jobs, a place to live, daycare.
And yet, I'm doing everything I can not to peruse Craigslist for rental listings in Maryland.
OK, that was a lie. I'm not really doing everything I can not to look at houses on Craigslist. In fact, I'm not fighting the urge one bit.
So, we know the realities of the situation and we know what we should do... but...
The dreamers in us can't help but dream. My mind can't help but daydream about experiencing seasons and living near family and getting coffee with my sister.
So... there you have it. I'm not going to end this post with a whole shpeal about how I will rise above these feelings and enjoy life right now, because that's just me saying what I think I should say.
I know it's what I need to aim for. It needs to be my goal and I need to try and figure out a way to make it happen, but as of right now, it's not happening.
There you have it. My and James' current state of feeling and what we know we should be feeling.
All I can do right now is commit to working towards this goal, this goal of living in the present, of embracing the good things in life now; counting my blessings.
One of those days when I kind of (just kind of) wish I was living in the states again.
I'm feeling anxious.
Feeling ready for a change.
I miss the comforts that good friends and family provide.
This feeling hasn't been around for a while; in fact, it's been a few years since I remember feeling it.
I remember how strong it was when I first moved here; how I longed to get coffee with the girls, or see the ocean. How much I daydreamed about owning a house in a peaceful neighborhood with trees lining the streets.
Don't get me wrong, there are many things I love about living in Mexico City. I have a good job that is challenging and stretching (albeit, exhausting). I have a nanny... yeah, a nanny. Definitely wouldn't have one of those in the states.
My daughter is growing up truly bilingual and we are all, as a family, understanding another culture because we are living it.
Those are all good things.
Really good things.
But, still, I can't help but miss those comforts.
The friends, the coffee, the quiet neighborhood, the family.... and maybe a Target run every now and then.
I was listening to some Sufjan Stevens the other day and his version of Come Thou Fount Came on.
I listened as I heard him sing...
"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy praise."
Immediately I grabbed a post-it and wrote those words down and stuck it on my computer. I just needed to see them in writing, needed them to be some place close.
On those days; one of those days, I just need to see it, you know?
See those words. Really hear those words, take them in.
I am blessed and my response should be one of praise.
Not wishing, not daydreaming, but being truly present in the now.
Because how sad to miss the now... the stuff good stuff that's happening in this moment, not in the future, but as I type this.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Please, oh please, tune my heart to sing thy praise.