I was in the busy, crowded, hot clinic for 2 hours, running around from place to place, having numerous discussions in Spanish all while handling my almost 2 year old who was done being at IMSS after the first hour.
I came home around 6:50, ate a quick dinner, gave Isa a bath, put her to bed, made lunches for tomorrow and am now sitting. It's 8:20.
Ooff.
Exhaustion at it's finest.
Both my body and mind are wrecked.
It's days like this when all I want is to be a stay at home mom. To not have to worry about all of the bureaucracy that comes with receiving maternity leave in Mexico; to be able to hang out with my daughter all day instead of a bunch of 9 year olds. To have her be the reason I'm tired, not them.
To be the one who picks out her outfits and prepares her breakfast in the morning.
I know I am tired and this only magnifies my feelings, but they are feelings which are there none-the-less.
Thinking about my maternity leave only makes things harder. In Mexico they give you 6 weeks off after your due date. They've calculated that this is the amount of time a woman needs to heal after giving birth; then it's back to work.
Remembering how tiny Isa was at 6 weeks brings tears to my eyes. I can't imagine leaving a tiny baby like that at home to be looked after by someone else. It literally makes my heart hurt.
I am trying not to think about that time until it comes and know I need to take advantage of what time I will have with this new little life. I don't want to spend those 6 weeks feeling sad. I want to cherish them.
Oh tired days. You bring out the worst sometimes.
And now, it is 8:30 and I am off to bed.
Goodnight. I pray for a happier heart tomorrow and an opportunity to rest.
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