Monday, March 5, 2012

They Say Patience is a Virtue


Today was one of those pull-my-hair-out teaching kind of days. My students and I made it through the morning smoothly; I'd even say they learned a few things (fancy that), but by the time recess was over and the afternoon rolled around they had lost it.

After a 10 minute or so explanation of what they were to do next (which included written instructions on the board; for those visual learners) I let them get started.

They were to work on their project about our current unit. There were books in the room for them to research, questions on the board they needed to answer and actual project work that needed to get done. Sounds like enough to keep them occupied, no?

Well, for the next 40 minutes or so my time was spent being bombarded by 8 year-olds, who, for the life of them could not understand that when one conversation is going on, it's not OK to blatantly interrupt (this happened maybe 10 times).

I had one girl asking for paint and while I was digging out the paints on my hands and knees, another kid told me they didn't know what to do (seriously?!). Next up it was another kid telling me they had to use my computer, then another telling me they can't find the art teacher who was supposed to help him with his project that day. I told him there was plenty he could do in the mean time, but he could not move on from the fact that he was not with the art teacher. For the next 30 minutes he paced around the room every once in a while stopping to say, "Ms. Lauren, can I check if he's there again?"

To top it all off I had a girl run up to me and tell me she had found her book from home on the library cart. I told her to take it and keep it somewhere safe. After the time was up and she had gone to her Spanish class I found her book on the hallway floor outside the classroom. I picked it up and brought it to her only to be told, "well, I don't know if it's actually mine."

What???!!! You just freaked out telling me this was your book, you were so certain and now you're saying it may be at your house and this may not be it.

I didn't actually say this to her, but it was running through my mind. In the end I told her to go put it on my desk and I walked away to take my much needed break for the day.

Some days I use every ounce of patience I have in the classroom and when I get home I find I have so little left for my almost 2 year-old daughter. Today was one of those days. James had to stay late at work, so I was on full time Isa duty until he got back later in the evening. I found myself being too short with her, getting frustrated easily, just wanting to put on a video so she would sit for a while and I could rest.

Today I felt like a below-average mother and it sucked. I'm not one to get down on myself, but I feel it creeping up on me today, that feeling of guilt.

I'm reassured by the logical person in my head that says:

You're not perfect,

you can't do it all,

sometimes you will fail...

and it's OK.

I know how much I love my daughter and I know I am a good mother. I just need to put that sentence on repeat in my mind every now and then.

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